The Karmel Korn Confession

Our First Date Was Friday the 13th. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

The Crunch Life

This photo was taken just weeks after our infamous popcorn debacle at the Joplin mall. We were still figuring each other out—me, a nervous wreck in giant glasses; her, somehow still smiling despite the mushroom pizza and spilled caramel corn.

Our first date was dinner at Mazzio’s Pizza in Joplin. I was nervous. She was stunning. I ordered mushroom pizza to impress her, even though they still tasted like damp sponges to my meat-and-potatoes brain. Then we walked the mall, caught a horror flick, and I tried to play it cool.

I failed—spectacularly.

Right outside the theater, inside the mall entrance, was a Karmel Korn stand. That sweet, sticky smell pulled me in like a cartoon character floating on a scent trail. I bought the biggest box they had, swinging it in one hand like a briefcase of romantic intentions.

We settled in for Friday the 13th—not exactly a love story, unless your idea of romance involves hockey masks and chainsaws. But nothing gets a pretty girl to squeeze your arm like a well-timed scare. I spent most of the movie watching Tina instead of the screen.

She didn’t flinch once.

Later, I found out why.

She’d seen it the night before—with a different guy.

But there she was, sitting next to me on a Saturday night. I wasn’t about to blow it. I walked her out of the theater, held her hand in one arm, and the Karmel Korn box in the other. Halfway up the ramp, the bottom gave out.

I mean completely gave out.

Popcorn hit the floor like a caramel-colored avalanche—an explosion of crunch and chaos. But I didn’t miss a step. Didn’t flinch. I just kept walking, dropped the empty box in the trash like it was all part of the plan.

Cool as a chat pile in January.

To this day, I’ve never asked Tina what she thought in that moment. But she didn’t run. She went out with me again. And again. Forty-something years, two kids, and six grandsons later—she still gives me that look when I forget to order mushrooms.

That’s love.

That’s grit.

That’s Crunch Lifebarefoot-and bulletproo….

💬 Tell Me About Your First Date Fails

Did you spill popcorn? Trip over your own feet? Say something wildly awkward and hope they didn’t notice? I want to hear your First-Date Fiascos.

Drop your story in the comments at facebook.com/RealChatRat or tag #ChatRatChronicles with your most cringe-worthy confession.

Bonus points if it involves food, fire, or footwear.